Saturday, November 14, 2009
Week 2
2nd week without her in my life!
Still feeling very hurt & depressed :(
Since the day after the BKK trip, every night i got to drink before i can get to sleep.
It has already became a habit.
But i'm home everyday so can't smoke only.
SIGH~~~
This is the worst relation i ever had.
I can confidently say that i've already put in all my efforts & did my very best yet things still don't work out.
I believe people around me got eyes to witness everything that has ever happened.
Every night without fail, i'm sure to see her in my dreams no matter good or bad.
There was a night whereby i dreamt that we went BKK together then her BF came to pick her up at the airport.
It was a GUY! :'(
Everything around me tends to remind me of HER!
SIGH SIGH SIGH
I also tried very hard to force myself not to think of HER or anything that has got to do with her yet i just can't seems to control my mind & heart.
My emotions gets very unstable.
One moment i can be fine yet the next moment i could be tearing away.
Is that known as "Depression"?
Do i need to see a Psychology?
Still pondering over what she said in those last SMS after we touched down from BKK.
She said she become so heartless is because i said nasty things to hurt her.
Its all accumulated & not an overnight change.
Has she wonder how much nasty & hurtful things she ever said to me too?
Did i change?
No!
Why?
Because i only remember & wanna think of her good but not her bad.
Yet i guess she only choose to think of my bad & never my good!
I guess this is the ONLY difference between someone you luv & you don't!
And also to her, i'm always the worst & everyone else are the best!
One of my friend said that she just wanna come up with an excuse to cover her change of heart for someone else?
Another said that she just wanna make me feel guilty so that i will think its my fault & never hers.
Well in a relationship, it takes 2 hands to clap.
Therefore there's no right & wrong.
No one is perfect either.
I'm never perfect.
In fact, i'm actually an easily contented & simple person.
But i guess i'm a bad lover that's why always get dumped :(
SIGH SIGH SIGH!!!
Anyway the things that she says or do + the change in her is something which ALL of us never expected it to be.
Came as quite a shock to us.
And also i guess this is because all along only got i luv her but she never luv me at all!!!
That's why here i am being so depressed over it.
Till now still can't get her out of my mind & heart.
Yet she's out there, changing herself, enjoying herself being with her new luv.
I know that's very silly of me but i think that's the price to pay for falling too deep for someone!!!
All i can do is just to wish her All The Best!
^ Gerald ^
`[11/14/2009 04:00:00 PM]
