Tuesday, September 11, 2007
I'm a BASTARD, i HATE myself!!!
Everything ended in a flash! I still thought she's gonna be my last GF & we'll be together forever.
I even created a "Certificate Of Marriage" of our own as a surprise for her.
Also i planned to propose to her after 1 year but everything seems impossible now.
A friend of mine ever said before that he feels that this relation will not lasted & he's right once again!
It's all my fault! I drove her away with my possessiveness, easily get jealous, unreasonable & not trusting her!
Though i'm willing to change but i guess everything are just too late now. I've made her so dishearted & disappointed in me!
She seems much happier now, can imagine how much misery & unhappiness i've brought her when we're together.
From the day she rejected my question to patch, i knew that our fate has ended & i will lost her for good. No matter how much things i do, she's not gonna come back to me again :(
I know even if i die a million times, i'm not gonna win her heart back anymore.
No matter how hard i tortured myself, i know it'll never be enough to atone for my sins.
I'm a bastard & bad lover.
I'm so so so sinful.
I'm so pissed & angry with myself.
I hate myself so much that i will never forgive myself!!!
A person like me don't deserved to be luv as i'll never changed & learned my mistakes.
A leopard never change its spots, i believe everyone heard before & that's the impression i gave her.
Friends all advice me to get over it but its always easier said than done.
All i can do now is to wish her the best in finding her next happiness & hope she won't end up with another bastard like me. I'm never good enough for her. She deserved someone better than me.
^ Gerald ^
`[9/11/2007 11:42:00 PM]
